That could mean borrowing or spending thousands of dollars, or cheating on taxes without a spouse's knowledge. “I definitely took shoes out of the shoebox before my husband came home so he wouldn't know I'd been shopping,” admits Moira Lawson, 60, a health-policy executive in Baltimore.Īt the other end of the spectrum are major offenses - actions that, when they blow up, threaten a couple's financial security. Other occasional indulgences might merely be misdemeanors. Some stealth might not qualify as FI - say, the daily Frappuccino you don't tell your spouse about. An even bigger proportion of partnered people, about 75 percent, say that a relationship has been affected by financial deception. A 2018 Harris Poll survey found that 41 percent of Americans who combine their finances with a spouse or partner admit to some form of misbehavior. Unusual transactions you wouldn't be expecting, such as large cash withdrawals, or if your spouse sets up new accounts in their name alone.'įinancial infidelity - call it FI for short - appears to be widespread. 'Your passwords are changed for your online accounts and your spouse doesn't tell you.'ĭonald Schiller, attorney (Clients include Robert Pritzker) Pamela Meyer, fraud examiner (Author of Liespotting) You would be absolutely floored to know how many people I have seen in their 50s who have never signed a tax return, yet they've been filing joint tax returns for the entirety of their marriage.' 'Your spouse doesn't let you have contact with your accountant. Laura Wasser, attorney (Clients include Angelina Jolie) 'If the financial statements come in and he says, ‘I'll take care of it.’ I can see the husband not wanting to give a wife anxieties about money … but you have to let everything. Raoul Felder, attorney (Clients include Rudy Giuliani) Or your spouse has established a post office box to which credit card statements are being sent.'

'You suddenly see that bank account statements are no longer being sent to your residence. William Beslow, attorney (Clients include Nicole Kidman) “And, of course, you're probably closer to retirement.'ĭivorce lawyers and a fraud expert share tips for spotting financial infidelity “There's less time to make up savings,” says Lili Vasileff, a financial planner in Greenwich, Connecticut, who specializes in divorce-related finances. Older Americans are particularly vulnerable if their partner is dishonest about money. Mobile banking can be done with no paper trail of statements online shopping results in emailed receipts, not hard copies. Technology has made financial infidelity easier, says Indiana University marketing professor Jenny Olson, coauthor of the new study. “He also inherited money from his mother in 2015, and my client never knew.' (Infidelity was consistent across genders and wealth also.) “I just spoke to a 61-year-old client whose husband of 28 years quit his job and traveled with funds he had moved from their joint investments to a PayPal account in his name,” says Jan G. But no: A recent major study in the Journal of Consumer Research- one that surveyed people ages 19 to 83 - found similar rates of financial infidelity among young and old. You may think that the older you are and the longer you're married, the harder it is to hide a big financial secret. At least that I would have understood!’ “ As one woman, 70, recalls about going nuclear on her husband for secretly borrowing tens of thousands of dollars: “He said to me, ‘Don't I get credit for being faithful to you?’ And I said, ‘No! I would have much rather you had sex with an intern. Such financial infidelity can damage a marriage just as much as the sexual type, if not more so. But infidelity can hit the pocketbook and wallet, too, when one spouse spends, borrows, withholds or hides money without telling his or her partner. When we think of infidelity, our minds go straight to the bedroom. Could she spare some cash to tide him over? He had $60,000 in credit card debt and might have to sell one of his prized guitars. But last year Andrew went to Lisa with a request. Very quietly, he had nearly wiped them out. He had borrowed against their home and run up $250,000 in credit card debt. Which is probably why that adviser waited until their finances were a dumpster fire before he called: “Lisa, do you know what your husband is doing?” Andrew had spent huge chunks of their savings on cars, guitars and charitable gifts. Money was her husband's domain, she made clear to their financial adviser. En español | Ten years have passed, and Lisa*, now 60, still asks herself, Why didn't I see it coming?Īt the time, she and her husband, Andrew, were living well: a spacious home in a Chicago suburb, overseas travel, a kid in private school.įor more than 15 years, Lisa, a successful doctor, had trusted the family finances to Andrew.

When your partner hides things from you